Pause Reflect Transform
Author: Nuzla Nawaz
Would you believe that I learnt one of the most important life lessons while watching Pooh Bear? Many years ago, while watching ‘Christopher Robin,’ a cherished movie to this day, I learnt from Pooh that ‘doing nothing leads to something.’ At that point in life, I was a mum with the ‘rushing-woman syndrome,’ and indeed, it hit me differently! Many years after reflecting on the woman I have become today, I am proud to say that I am a ballerina, poised with grace as the world rushes past me.
Once upon a time, I was a mum and a wife with a never-ending to-do list, a wealth of love in my heart, and, unfortunately, a whole lot of complaints along with a multitude of resentments. It was a time in my life when everything overwhelmed me. While rushing to get my household chores done, keep the house spic and span, meet work deadlines and financial responsibilities, do school runs, care for my loved ones, and do a zillion other things that needed doing, I found myself on an emotional high, waging war within myself as well as with the ones I love, unknowingly and sometimes knowingly. Due to my daily battle with my never-ending to-do list and overcharged emotions on the verge of erupting like Mount Fuji, my loved ones were walking on eggshells around me. Tears well in my eyes when I think that the people I wanted to serve with love were seen as responsibilities and sometimes as another burden to shoulder alone.
I remember coming home late after work, having listened to my children in school, only to lose my temper with my very own. Having been my bubbly self with the outside world, only to be frustrated with my husband and children. Many a day, in between my rushing, I have wondered how it is that my family expected me to be a ‘superwoman!’ As I write this, I am smiling, thinking of that moment when it suddenly dawned on me, quite out of the blue, that nobody expected me to be a ‘superwoman’ other than myself! So my vehement mantra, “I’m not a superwoman! I’m only human!” said in anger at my family during my vexed moments, was left hanging in the air until one day, one moment, I caught the words I threw so carelessly around and strung them together in a moment of silence to make sense of it all.
The power of that moment… I chose to pause and it has changed the way I live life today. Since that moment, I have made intentional decisions rather than rushing through life. It has taken me many years, many trials, and much reflection to finally understand and finally zoom in on ‘what I REALLY WANT in LIFE.’
Learning to pause does take quite a lot of work. A lot of unlearning. A lot of new learning. The more I practiced and continue to consciously practice pausing, I found and find freedom! Exhilaration!
In our fast-paced lives, pausing might feel like an elusive skill people talk about cultivating. You might feel that it is for the ones who have succeeded in life and somehow or the other manifested this time. I believe, through my own experience, that pausing and resetting is not about going on a vacation. It can be that too. However, for me, this has multiple dimensions. It is about pausing moment to moment to re-set during our busy workdays, to find pockets of peace, to feel rejuvenated, and to have calmness of mind. It can be to pause before responding in a manner that you might regret later as well. It can even be about being present in the moment to enjoy the essence of the experience while my daughter talks about her love for BTS or my son talks about his newfound interest in volleyball through anime and how the school disciplinarian confiscated the volleyball while taking in their play of emotions on their innocent faces that I so dearly love. Drinking my morning cup of tea, gazing at the fish darting in the tank, thinking of what lies ahead in the day is pausing for me. Waking up early to have a few quiet hours to reflect and journal, one hour of exercise, as well as making plans for my new career move is pausing for me. Whether it is catching a family movie with my kids, going on a weekly date with my hubby, or finding little pockets of time for our family gratitude circle before bedtime or a walk at the Bellanwila walking path, I have realized that I have finally started living life the day I started to pause. I started really living for what I wanted and what I loved.
This profound treasure I have come upon is just the beginning, Alhamdulillah! As I walk on this path, I tell myself to be consistent and conscious of the need for balance along with compassion for myself, as Rome was not built in a day.
The power of the pause has been quite phenomenal for me. It can be for you too.
