Author: Roshantha Jayathunge
- Chief Manager – Head of HC Strategy & Talent Development at HNB| Professional Certified Coach (ICF) | Certified Executive Coach | NLP Business Practitioner
“Crunch, crunch, crunch, pause.” What does that sound like to you? A crisp bowl of breakfast cereal – and the pause between mouthfuls? A jab, jab, cut, of a boxer – the pause being the moment the opponent starts falling to the mat? Or maybe a few steps on a beach at the crack of dawn – a breathtaking sunrise stopping your movement? To someone other than me, yes. Maybe that’s what that sound was. To me, it was something else.
Five years ago, my life was like a maelstrom. Buffeted and beaten, battered and bruised, as if I was the target for those punches. The difference – all the shots were aimed at my gut – crunch, crunch. What do you do when life decides to throw you into the eye of the storm? When suddenly, your purpose is challenged, and it no longer holds meaning?
I was made redundant at work. Changes were being made, plans were drawn – and I was not part of them. I realised that the purpose I was holding was no longer relevant. Yet, at that point, I didn’t even know it was my purpose that I’d lost. All I knew was that I was hurting – crunch, crunch.
Cue the dramatic music – I needed a hero’s journey! Something that would lead me on a quest to find my purpose – kill a dragon, defeat my own enemy, save someone, redeem myself – such a long list! Yet, what is not said is that the journey asks much from the hero as well. Sacrifices must be made. Blood, sweat, and tears shed. Oh, and don’t forget, money spent! Even the dwarves in The Hobbit needed to spend gold to find more gold.
My journey took me to India and Singapore in search of learning, knowledge, and soul. I sat among hundreds of people, and thousands of people, listening to sages and wizards who were willing to teach me what I didn’t know was already within me. I journeyed sometimes with several people, other times with one person and at times with just myself. Through those journeys, I renewed myself, saw a glimpse of something that looked like my purpose – just a glimpse – and it was enough to drive me forward. I realised that the dragon and enemy were one and the same – and they were within me. The person that needed saving was – me.
As I returned from my journey in 2019, I met a young sage who challenged me with a question. “What is your purpose?” “What can you say is your unique contribution to the world?” I pondered and dove within the memories of a childhood filled with a love of puzzles, and Lego. Of mysteries and clues. Sherlock Holmes and Batman. Of loving to teach neighbourhood kids maths and English. Untangling knots and making the complex – simple. And so, with purpose, I responded to the sage. “I like to show things in a new light, where people have an ‘a-ha!’ moment, and receive value from what I share.”
He gave me a sagely smile. “You mean your purpose is to present something ‘refreshing’ that ignites ‘realisation’ and is ‘rewarding’ to your audience.” It wasn’t a question. It was his sagely way of harmonising what I’d just said. In that moment, seated amongst my colleagues, facing that young sage, I realised my purpose! The “3 R’s” as I call it. My bones were being reset, my body was on fire, my brain was forging new connections – crunch, crunch. This pain was good! It was the pain of growth. My growth.
“Change is the end result of all true learning” – Leo Buscaglia (1924–1998)
The world is always in a state of change. It is inevitable. Your anchor in that chaos, the calm within the storm, is your purpose. Finding one’s purpose is easy to say, painful to achieve. To bring about the right change, I believe we need to focus on three things: change the way we “think”, “feel (communicate)” and “act”.
I call this “The Power of 3” (Diagram below):
This was part of the discourse of The Buddha (“The 3 Doorways”, 528 BCE), Stoic scholars such as Seneca and Marcus Aurelius, and written about by Dr Stephen R. Covey (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, 1989). The chaos around us is in what we call the Circle of Concern. This is furthest from our core, which is our Circle of Control – again, thoughts, words, and deeds. Between the Circle of Control and Circle of Concern lies our Circle of Influence. Areas we can influence are our knowledge, skills, attitudes, and our hobbies, habits and, yes, our purpose.
I had found my purpose and with that, the realisation that I am not the hero in the story. My call was to be the catalyst, the facilitator that helps the hero on their journey. A real-world Gandalf (I even have the white beard to go with it!). I do walk the journey with the heroes, yet I may stop and let them continue, content in the knowledge that I have been true to my purpose, my 3 R’s, and thus let them experience change. I then start another journey with other heroes – crunch, crunch – “The road goes ever on…” (The Hobbit, J. R. R. Tolkien, 1937).
Once purpose is found, how does one go about holding it? Staying true to it? Nurturing it? I recall a saying quoted by many of the sages I had the privilege of listening to: “How you do anything, is how you do everything.” That is how you hold, nurture, and stay true to your purpose. Live and breathe it every day.
It was a happy coincidence that I found my purpose just in time to be given a chance to be a training facilitator full time in my organisation. It was the universe that gave me an opportunity to explore transformational coaching just a year after. The reflective power of coaching and the art of listening became reinforcements for my purpose. When we do find our purpose, it becomes important to continue reinforcing it. We do this again through our thoughts, words, and actions. Seek things that fit you. Never forget that we have within us all the resources we need, or we can create them (NLP Presuppositions, https://anlp.org/knowledge-base/presuppositions-of-nlp).
Remember that “crunch, crunch, crunch, pause”? That was the sound of my feet on frost-covered gravel and stone in February this year as I climbed Poon Hill, Pokhara, Nepal. 3,210 m in -5 degrees – the highest I have climbed – so far. How does that fit with my purpose? It brought me closer to my peer coaches, and our conversations helped reinforce my purpose. It took me on an adventure akin to that when Gandalf crossed the Misty Mountains (there was no fire-breathing dragon at the end, just cold). It tested my resilience. It changed me. Change is good. It fits with my purpose.
